Your Inner Critic is Savage; Take Away Their Power Over Your Life
Who is your inner critic? What do they say to you in your most vulnerable moments, the ones where you contemplate taking risks? Perhaps your inner critic is an amalgamation of all the people you wished you could be during your formative years, and all the people you have never been able to please throughout your life. Regardless of its form or function, your inner critic is holding you back from becoming your best self.
Your inner critic keeps you silent during class discussions or major meetings by telling you that you have nothing original to say, or that any comment you make will cause your peers to laugh sooner than it will inspire them towards deeper thinking.
It is the voice that forces you to play safe instead of taking risks to achieve the career moves that are at the heart of your desires for your future. You play it safe to avoid the scenarios of humiliation that your inner critic plays out in your mind.
Original ideas are valuable, and your ideas are no exception, but your inner critic tells you that whatever you come up with has already been done before, and there is nothing you can say that has not already been said better by another person.
When you contemplate new creative endeavors, your inner critic is the one who says your work is subpar at best, and that no one will read your writing or appreciate your drawings or listen to your music even if yours were the last artistic offerings in the history of mankind.
Upon walking into a gathering where you do not know many people, your inner critic is the voice that rags on you for everything from your appearance to your ideas. It tells you that you stand out in a bad way, and that you have nothing to say that will make anyone else want to know you better, or remember you after the party has ended.
Your inner critic is particularly ruthless when nagging you about your closest relationships. It tells you that you cannot ever please your significant other in the way they want or need, so why bother; it tells you that you do not fulfill any of the traditional roles as a parent for your child and because of your shortcomings as a mother or father your child’s future is bound to be less fulfilling than those of their peers; it is the voice that reminds you that you never satisfied your parents’ wishes for your life, and you have no reason to believe that you will be anything more than a disappointment in their eyes.
When you contemplate the possibility of singing, writing, or playing music after many years of neglecting your creative faculties, your inner critic is the voice that reminds you of all the times you sang poorly as a child, all the things you wrote that other people laughed at, and the sad truth that you have spent too long away from playing instruments and there is little hope of regaining what has been lost. It is the voice that tells you that creative expression is a waste of time since you always heard it is not a viable way to make a living and support yourself or your family.
Clothes seem to fit all wrong when your inner critic is the dominant voice in your head. It insists that your clothes fit much better two weeks ago, and how could you let yourself go in so little time that everything would fit so tight now. It prattles on with obsessive, irrational messages, and it insists that everything is too tight, or too small, and that it is all your fault because you have no self-control.
Speaking of self-control, you are reminded of your inability to exhibit any every time you look in the mirror. You have dark circles under your eyes because you cannot go to bed on time, your body is not as svelte as it could be because you cannot stay away from sweet treats, and as much time as you spend training, you know you could do better, or push harder. You could look as good as you want to if only you were not so lazy. Maybe then people might love you better, too.
Your inner critic will not even leave you alone on some of the most important days or evenings of your life. When you get dressed for your wedding, your inner critic rails you for failing to prepare your body better, and how could you since this will be the most photographed day of your life! In preparation for an evening where you will make an important presentation, you try to select clothing from your closet that is equal parts professional and trendy, and yet in the back of your mind the inner critic is reminding you that clothes cannot disguise the fact that your presentation is crap.
Maybe your inner critic is not quite so active as the picture we have just drawn in your mind; but then again, maybe it is, and if so, your inner critic is an angry, mean, evil, irrational, negative individual.
Who does your inner critic sound like? Dissatisfied parents, unfriendly siblings, mean teachers, childhood enemy? Your inner critic often takes inspiration from the person in your life who bathed you in the most criticism as you were growing up. If you are older, your inner critic may even look and sound like your boss whom you never seem to please, or the coworker that is so darn perfect that you will never manage to compete.
Perhaps your inner critic is inspired by your internalized ideas of who you feel you should be. Did you grow up in a family or a community with specific ideas about how men, women, husbands, wives, children, and friends should behave? Your inner critic may take inspiration from all the ways in which you never satisfied your community’s opinions of how you should live your life.
Using one word, how would you describe your inner critic? What is the one characteristic that seems to fuel all the mean things they say to you? Are they anxious, fearful, stubborn, perfectionistic? Think about it for a minute and try to identify the one thing about your inner critic that might cause them to interact with you the way they do.
I bet your inner critic has become so vivid in your mind right now that it feels as though they are standing in the same room. Maybe you have realized how insidious this character is in their influence on your life, and you now recognize how much they are holding you back.
To escape the vicious cycle of hope and defeat, of false starts on your deepest desires, you must acknowledge that your inner critic exists. By identifying them and their actions, you take away their power. By naming them for what they are doing to your life and refusing to let them do it anymore, you are putting yourself in the driver’s seat once again, or perhaps for the first time ever.
Your inner critic is irrational, and they are acting from a place in your subconscious that is likely damaged, or deeply unresolved. Now when you hear these negative things from within, you can point them out to yourself and know that this is what all that destructive thinking is about. These thoughts are not a true representation of yourself or any situation in your life; they are the distorted ramblings of a part of yourself that only sees things in black and white, who refuses to take any risks even if the rewards are more than worth it in the end. The louder you hear your inner critic, the more likely it is that you are on the edge of an amazing breakthrough in your own life.
Inner critics: they are full of rage, and they are absolutely savage when the last thing we need to hear is negativity. Do not let your inner critic say mean things about you! That voice you hear that belongs to your inner critic is not making you better, so don’t try to find justifications in defense of its bullying. Even if you can find the positive side of having an inner critic, you must realize that kind of motivation is turning you into a stressed, reactionary version of yourself, and that kind of existence is not sustainable or enjoyable. Take the power back from this ornery little person living in one corner of your mind, and clear the way for you to start becoming your best self.
