When I Look into the Past, the Thing I Miss the Most…

An obvious answer is freedom from responsibilities and the all-consuming panic each month right before you realize it’s time to pay your bills again.

Another that came to mind is the unwavering belief that your parents are invincible like superheroes and infallible like the gods.

I do miss these things, but there are three others that I miss more; I miss when the solution to hard things seemed simple, I miss the heightened sensory experience of first or impactful moments, and I miss when it never felt or seemed awkward to be physically, mentally, and emotionally close and transparent all the time with the people who matter most.

When I was a child, if I felt tired, I just went to bed, and I always felt better the next day; tired wasn’t a pattern, and exhaustion wasn’t a lifestyle that is both encouraged and rewarded. If I was hungry, there was always food in the fridge and I didn’t have to pay for it and I never had to go to the grocery store to get it myself, and if Mom was home I didn’t even have to make anything for myself. If something made me unhappy or uncomfortable, I just stopped doing it and didn’t question if that was the right choice. Even resolving conflicts between myself and others was simpler because it seemed like there were fewer variables to consider.